I don’t think I was ever given the chance to be a proper student. Never given the chance to just fuck up and be ok with the mistake.

A long life lived thinking even the first try has to be the best try.

A long life lived with the ability to even formulate questions broken. I never knew what I should be looking at to ask a question about.

I did know how to listen, take notes, nod my head, and take the test.

Something cracked open a bit today.

In the beginning of flamenco class we were doing stretches. Matching the teacher’s moves. With my right leg lifted and my foot circling the same direction as hers, she switched directions. Part of me jumped and squawked. KEEP UP! But another part, that does seem to show up a lot for this teacher and her teachings, said, “You don’t have to know before. It’s ok to follow.”

It’s ok to follow.

It’s ok to let the teacher lead and then move with her.

The words resonated with a sense of being imperfect and being ok. They knocked down another block to opening up to the presence of learning.

I’m learning. I don’t KNOW. That’s why I’m here. A student.

To learn.